Sometimes you just have to remind yourself to be right here, right now, in the moment. You gotta grab onto the now, right now. But, not hold so tight like it’s a vise grip—just make sure you’ve got a nice grip. I’ve never been superbly awesome at stream of conscious writing, so I won’t stray down that path. I just needed to make light of my rules for a bit. I’ve been breaking someone else’s Rule 62. I’ve been taking myself too damn seriously, and it’s exhausting.
I just want to clarify if you’re reading this, or have been reading for awhile…I take anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes a day on these posts. Occasionally, I will spend close to an hour on one, if I am feeling really passionate about something. That is more seldom though. I say this because it is something I put a modicum of effort into. It is mostly for me to stay in the habit of writing on a daily basis, but it’s also in the hope that it brightens someone’s day, helps them, or inspires them. That’s truly success if any of those things occur.
Making these rules has provided me a really good glimpse at the way I naturally judge myself…I’m pretty damn harsh. I could stand to be a lot nicer.
I think judging yourself in any capacity is a mistake. It’s a form of control. And, it has helped me disconnect from reality at times. If I am caught up in my head making assessments and judgments about the things going on around me, then I don’t have to necessarily feel the whole amount of pain if anything goes wrong. It’s a weird emotional divorce between the brain and body. I don’t like it, therefore I am striving more and more to cut it out.
I do have a grip right now. I have a firm grasp. I created a lot of mental space for myself lately, and there’s a lot more on the way. I can feel the positive in the air…or maybe my house just smells nice. Either way, it’s quite fantastic right now…and I’m leaving this one here for myself for the future if and when I lose my grasp a bit.