I have always struggled with my weight since I was a kid. I’ve gone through my stages of being various forms of “in shape”, but it has never been an easy thing for me to maintain. I have never known the struggle of being too skinny. I have only known the struggle of being fat, overweight, big-boned, husky, stocky, etc.
I hate most of those terms by the way. Especially stocky…that’s a very polite way of saying a little fat. So, nowadays, I am a bit more conscious of how much and what type of food I put in my body. Then again, I have some days where I let my guard down a little or a lot and gorge.
Tonight was one of those times. I went to a restaurant with a friend and my girlfriend and ordered some chips and guac for an appetizer. I decided to get a burger and then was confronted with the “To Fry or not To Fry” question. At first, I said I didn’t want any and that the burger would be enough. That’s the truth. However, my stomach got the better of me and I ordered the fries before the waiter left. I ended up eating all of that food, the chips and dip (with some help of course), and then some.
Instead of feeling guilty, I know I don’t always have to beat the shit out of myself. I can allow myself the pleasure of eating a lot of food every now and then. But, I wanted to capture this moment by making a few confessions about my food habits prior to sobriety and after.
Food Confessions before sobriety:
- I used to order pizza and wings for multiple days in a row…and eat all of it.
- I’ve gone through more than one drive through and gotten whole meals in the same trip, and this was not a one time thing.
- I ate out of boredom all the damn time.
- I couldn’t have sugary things in the house, because I would just inhale them.
- I once went two weeks on a diet of nothing but hamburgers.
- I once went two weeks on a diet of nothing but Thundercloud Subs.
- I ate fried chicken (at least 4-6 pieces at a time) probably twice a week on average.
- I ate all of the fast food.
- There’s probably more, but I can’t think of it.
Food Confessions post sobriety:
- I still eat Popeye’s fried chicken at least once a month or so.
- I have lost my habit of eating a salad a day.
- I binge on CLIF and Luna snack bars.
- I feel guilty when I eat anything greasy, fried, or fatty…but damn does the guilt taste good.
- I’m still a sucker for frozen candy bars.
- I still can’t have too many sugary things in the house or else I will binge eat that shit.